I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
