I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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