So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
