i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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