I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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