somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
