remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
