Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
