True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
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