M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
