I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
i now understand why vodka
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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