I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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