I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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