just tell him i said nine months
This house was built for laser tag.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just invented taco cereal.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
