ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
