We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
