NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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