omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Come share oat with me in your robe
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
