I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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