it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
