I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Randomize