is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
