I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
