I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Randomize
