I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
