I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
