We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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