worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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