sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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