I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
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