I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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