Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
