did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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