Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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