Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
