dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Randomize
