We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
