Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
