how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Randomize
