i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
