We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
