Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
