just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
the day after is always just damage control
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Randomize
