i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
