I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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