it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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