can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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