Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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