dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize