I think I died a long time ago.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize