i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Randomize
