She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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