I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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