WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
