I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize