I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
