For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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