Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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