Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
