it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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