I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Randomize
