haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize