I got chris browned last night
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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