Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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