im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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