Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Randomize
