The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
