I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Randomize
