We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize