I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Randomize
