By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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