yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Houston, we have a blender
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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