you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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