the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize