i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
