Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize