3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
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