when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
