woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
