I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
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