My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
