I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
