Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Randomize