Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My life is pants optional.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize