went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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