The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize