Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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