Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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